The Script of Nailin Palin in its entirety.
INT. SERRA’S LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON
Close up of a Moose head hanging on a wall. Then a picture of Paylin giving a thumbs up while her foot rests on the head of a dead polar bear.
Snow falls outside a draped window.
SERRA sits on her sofa reading a book entitled, TODAYS MILF
There’s a loud knock on the door.
Jeepers crumpets, who could that be?
Door is opened to reveal:
Two Russian Soldiers in long trench coats and fur lined hats.
(brushing snow from coat)
Previet! We hate to trouble you but I’m afraid we have a flat tire.
SERRA peeks through a window next to the door. We see a smoldering Russian tank crashed into a tree in her front lawn. She shoots them a skeptical stare.
We were wondering if we could use your phone to call the Kremlin.
I’m sorry fellas I don’t speak Russian.
Kremlin. It means, how you say?
They both smile and nod.
We’ll I suppose in the spirit of foreign relations there’s no harm in letting you in.
They thank her, enter, and sit on the sofa. SERRA sits in a chair across from them.
(points to a small table)
The phone is right there. Can I offer you boys anything to drink?
No thanks, we’re already pretty drunk.
Silence as the men stare at her magnificent breasts.
Don’t you guys need to make a phone call?
So. Do you come here often?
You know if I didn’t know any better I’d think you fellas were flirting with me.
You know if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put “u” and “i” together.
SERRA smiles. She shifts position in the chair allowing the camera to see up her skirt.
Excuse me but I think I dropped something.
Oh you. you.
Sure would like you to come here and suck our cocks.
SERRA smiles. She slowly crawls across the floor.
SEX SCENE #1: B/B/G - Serra, Russian 1, Russian 2
A spinning NEWSPAPER.
Headlines: PAYLIN ENDORSES RUSSAIN PENETRATION !
Int. FAUX NEWS STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
BILL ORALLY sits at the news desk.
Once again the hypocritical left is asking to have it both ways. First they criticize Paylin for not having enough experience in the foreign arena, then they slam her for showing her godless, vodka swilling neighbors a little down home hospitality !
They make it sound like full lips, piercing brown eyes, huge tits and an ass that won’t quit is a bad thing. Well I’m sorry but if that’s a bad thing then cut off my dick and express mail it to the nearest gay rights parade.
Int. HOTEL ROOM SOMEWHERE IN WASHINGTON - NIGHT
A mountain of books and documents are stacked on a small coffee table next to a queen sized bed. SERRA sifts helplessly through a pile of papers as a beautiful, young White House intern attempts to prep her for the press.
Okay Governor, we’re just going to work on some new words you can use to express yourself. Repeat after me. “Absolutely.”
No, no. Listen carefully.
Okay, let’s try a different word.
Serra catches herself and briefly struggles to keep the next syllable from leaving her lips but it’s no use.
You know what? Let’s move on. I’ll describe a famous person in history and you just tell me who it is okay?
Once again, just tell me who it is I’m describing.
I was instrumental in ending the civil war and freeing the slaves.
Joe six pack.
(rolls her eyes)
Joe six pack, Joe Lincoln, your average hockey mom, that’s what America is all about. Coming together and saying gosh darnit slavery might be fine for some, but ya know what, it just doesn’t cut it where I come from.
Which is Alaska.
Where we don’t have slavery.
The INTERN shoots SERRA a WTF stare.
Forget history. Let’s do some free association.
The INTERN pauses and stares at SERRA as if playing the game “Password.”
You know what? It’s getting late and I’m sure you’d like to get back to your own hotel room and get a good nights sleep before tomorrows press conference.
SERRA looks at her watch.
Yipes, times for a warm glass of moo juice and some shut eye. My hubby god love him, is probably waiting up for me.
Serra heads for the door.
Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.
The Intern flashes her a fake, congratulatory smile for having successfully replaced “you betcha”.
SERRA returns the smile and exits.
(shakes her head)
What a fucking air head.
SERRA’s husband slide out from under the bed.
Try living with her.
SERRA’S husband starts to undress the INTERN.
Wait a minute.
He grabs a pair of glasses that look a lot like SERRA’s places them on the INTERN.
Are you sure she isn’t going to find out? I mean she may be dumb but she is your wife.
You betcha. Now come on baby, say my favorite thing.
The INTERN pulls her hair back in a loose bun and attempts her best PAYLIN accent.
If elected I realize the road might be hard, but no matter how nasty thing get, I promise to remain extremely flexible. Even if I have to resort to back door politics in order to achieve my goals.